The results showed that the more emotional an event was, the more likely that the event was to be shared with others. However, although small embarrassments were told to others, people commonly said that they did not share overly embarrassing situations. While they did share sad stories or happy events, the humiliating experiences were left out. Although people chose not to tell others of these instances, they were not forgotten by any means. People still remember the time they were called fat or the day they were mocked for their hair, yet they will not share the story as a means of humor. Do we purposely avoid sharing stories we still feel humiliated by? Why are we still bothered by some memories, even if we have grown out of an embarrassing trait? Why do you think people can laugh about some embarrassing stories and suppress others?
I think this might have something to do with NJZ. You may feel comfortable poking fun at your self for falling down the stairs, but you might be sensitive about your weight or hair. So, I think we do purposely avoid telling certain stories if they relate to our no joke zone.
ReplyDeleteEven when we've grown out of an insecurity or embarrassing trait, I think that any experience where we've felt humiliated stays with us for much longer than the experience lasted. Embarrassing events are scarring in some ways. I think that we always remember events that were emotional for us, and those things we hang on to because to recall them is to bring back those memories and the emotions attached to them. It's difficult, if not impossible, to ever be able to laugh at yourself and the event because of humiliation attached to the memory.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Olivia and the concept of an NJZ - we all have those things we don't like to joke about because we have insecurities or emotions attached to them. Like an NJZ these embarrassing events all have emotions attached to them, and joking about them brings back those uncomfortable feelings. To be able to laugh at yourself is healthy, but some things, like traumatic memories, are simply upsetting to think about.
When we recall or tell of one of our most embarrassing stories, it's like reliving that awful experience all over again. For that reason alone we do not like to share our mortification. Another reason that I think we do not tend to share such stories is because after they occur, we almost repress them in our memories, pretending that they don't exist or didn't happen in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Jess and Olivia that those stories do become part of our no joke zone. The experience was embarrassing the first time around so why would we want to go through the humiliation a second time around.
Not only do we have no joke zone, but we have stories that are simply too humiliating to talk about. I know that every time I tell a story, even if I am comfortable using it as a source of humor, my face turns red. Stories of rejection, or things we regret, are on a larger scale than simply falling down the steps in front of a cute boy. No one wants to talk about how they made themselves vulnerable by asking someone to prom and getting rejected, or drinking too much and crying in front of everyone. It's not funny because it's humiliating, and not something people feel comfortable talking about. You don't want people to know about these kinds of things because you don't want them to judge you or make fun of you. It is totally understandable that people are more comfortable talking about emotional things because those are things no one will poke fun at.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think people tend to keep their embarrassing moments to themselves. While some of our most humiliating moments may be a source of humor for others, they are not for us and hence we do not share them. I have just gotten to a point in my life where I can start to look back at some things I have done throughout middle school and the beginning of high school and start to laugh about them - it has taken me this long. In the top 10 milestones project for psychology I purposely left out milestones that occurred during the awkward middle school phase and I will probably burn the pictures from my awkward middle school phase just so there will be no evidence that they even existed, and I know a lot of other girls that feel the same way!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel like no one wants to reveal their most embarrassing moments because they don't want to relive them. One of my adult co-workers at the summer camp I worked at showed us a picture of her when she attended the camp years ago during her awkward phase and one of the counselors laughed outright when she showed the picture. Who wants that? Who wants to be laughed at for something they regret or they have already been taunted for? Not me!
Also, I disagree that people are more likely to share accounts of emotional events. Personally, if I'm upset about something, I won't say a word and I'll keep it to myself for the most part. For example, at the end of last year, I had a close friend of mine pass away and none of my friends even knew it happened. That's definitely a generalized statement.
I agree with Jess said before- that humiliating events are scarring. No one wants to relive that embarrassing moment when a secret was spilled, etc. because they are flashbulb memories- memories of events where a lot of emotion was involved, but this time in a very negative way, so no one would want to share it. I think another part that plays into not wanting to share these memories is that people don't want to be judged by new people in their lives- even if they have grown out of whatever embarrassed them. As for why they still bother people, these experiences at one point made them feel awful about themselves, so why wouldn't just the memory of them bring up those feelings again and make them feel uncomfortable. I think it's all about perspective- some people are able to recall the memory and process it in a different light and gain the ability to laugh at themselves, while others just keep piling on the negative emotions associated with the experience until it becomes completely horrifying to them.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ashley, we don’t bring up embarrassing memories because we try our best to forget them ourselves. I know I always try to sleep off my embarrassing memories and wake up the next day as if nothing happened. But if these stories are shared then others bring them up and the moment is relived once again.
ReplyDeleteI feel like we don’t bring up embarrassing memories because that isn’t something we want to be known for. Whereas a more emotional event probably helped to shape our lives or personalities in a way so we are more inclined to share it. An embarrassing event is used for humor for others so they will probably remember it better than another event you might share with them. Since it is humorous they also may share it with others and there are more people who will know you as the girl that _____. Fill in the blank.
I also agree with Ashley in that we avoid bringing up our most embarrassing moments to others because, by explaining the experience again, we are reliving that moment that we had ultimately wanted to forget. While we may think that we have gotten over the embarrassment, the emotions that we felt during those moments are still fresh in our minds. It's almost as if the moments are difficult to forget, but easy to retract.
ReplyDeleteWhen we do something embarrassing, typically we try to just laugh it off and make it seem as if it wasn't as embarrassing as it actually was. However, while we may present ourselves as strong and indifferent on the outside, it truly does hurt on the inside to get made fun of and to be laughed at, even if what we did isn't too horrific. As humans, we are constantly concerned about what others think of us and of how we present ourselves to others. We are fearful that sharing a truly embarrassing moment can influence others' perceptions of us and thus, we choose to dispute the information.
I definitely agree that bringing up embarrassing moments only reminds us of all the feelings and fears we may have wanted to simply erase from that day. I think inside we also may be afraid that our overall character and personality may be judged based on that ONE silly mistake and that is just too much to risk. We may be worried that the actions may be taken out of context and not at all perceived as what actually happened, and we will be viewed differently because of this. Since we work so hard to put our best foot forward and make sure we're portraying the best image of ourselves on a daily basis, a mindless mistake or slip-up can change how we're seen by our peers. It may be this inner, subconscious fear that prevents us from sharing embarrassing stories, or maybe just the fact that we know our friends will never let us live it down.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Olivia about this article having to do with people's NJZ. That was the first thing I thought about when I finished reading the article. It is important for people to have a sense of humor and be able to joke about certain things about themselves, but there will always be that one thing that they will never laugh about if made fun of. This must be why people can laugh when people make fun of some things about them but not about certain things, which they suppress.
ReplyDeleteWe definitely avoid sharing storied we feel humiliated by. If we cannot even joke about that certain thing then we obviously won't go around sharing stories about how someone made fun of them for their NJZ. Even if we outgrow an embarrassing trait, we still tend to feel embarrassed by it because it used to be a part of us.
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ReplyDeleteI definitely believe that we hide our most embarrassing moments. It is one thing to laugh about a silly mistake, everybody makes those. But, the most embarrassing things to happen we would much rather keep to ourselves. Being teased can be painful. No one wants to relive moments of pain in their lives. We would much rather dwell on the silly, lighthearted mistakes of our past. If we admit too much, I think many fear they could be judged. The embarrassment of the past would then continue into embarrassment now about having people know your story.
ReplyDeleteI normally do tell embarrassing stories that my friends will enjoy no matter how bad it is. I only tell stories like those to my friends that I feel comfortable with because I know they will not constantly bring them up or try to make fun of my mishaps. I feel as though people are less likely to tell very embarrassing moments because they feel as though someone may judge them. People are constantly to fit in and that is why we share to stories to begin with. We want to make others laugh so that it breaks awkwardness and have things to talk about with others. Also, people do not like to joke around too much about their embarrassing moments because it may be a sensitive subject for them.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with what a lot of people have already said, that somethings are just too embarrassing to share. I tell my friends a lot about my life, but still there are somethins that I would rather keep to myself. I think that this is an attempt to try and forget the embarrassing event, but as the article said most of the time it is never forgotten and often time reinforced.. I know that with my friends, the embarrassing stories are often brought up months later as a joke. Most of the time I don't mind the jokes, but I think it would bother me if people were joking about a topic that I am very sensitive about. It is important to be able to laugh at yourself, but I think it is normal for people to be self conscious about certain things
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with what a lot of people have already said, that somethings are just too embarrassing to share. I tell my friends a lot about my life, but still there are somethins that I would rather keep to myself. I think that this is an attempt to try and forget the embarrassing event, but as the article said most of the time it is never forgotten and often time reinforced.. I know that with my friends, the embarrassing stories are often brought up months later as a joke. Most of the time I don't mind the jokes, but I think it would bother me if people were joking about a topic that I am very sensitive about. It is important to be able to laugh at yourself, but I think it is normal for people to be self conscious about certain things
ReplyDeleteI think that a lot of people find many of their embarrassing moments funny, and willingly share them with others to add humor to their conversations and get a laugh out of it themselves. It also may diminish the trauma of the event and make people feel better to laugh about it and make light of it. However, certain stories are not shared, and they are normally events that were emotionally scarring or hurtful. If some event was humiliating and is a sensitive issue, you may not ever want to share it with anyone, yet alone in a laughing matter. I know that I usually share my embarrassing moments because many of them make funny stories, but if there is a story that I'm not comfortable sharing or making light of, I usually won't share it. It's definitely important to be able to laugh at yourself, but there's nothing wrong with suppressing some humiliating stories if you aren't comfortable sharing them.
ReplyDeleteWhen we are with others, consciously or not, we try to make a good impression. Because of this, we share stories that communicate the qualities we want to relate to others. If we tell a funny story, we most likely want the person to know that we have a good sense of humor or enjoy a good joke. If we tell a sad story, we most lkely want the person to know that we were strong through a struggle or that we need extra attention to get through the hard time. However, the only message that can be communicated through an entirely embarrassing story is that at some point in our life we messed up and therefore looked bad. Neither of these is something that we want others to know. It only makes sense that naturally, we try to hide the embarrassing moments in our lives and display our other emotions to make ourselves look appealing to those we are trying to impress.
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